By Cassy Wimmer
Valentine’s Day is around the corner and romance (or the search for it) is in the air for many. Take this quiz to discover how relationship-savvy you really are!
True or False: Love is blind.
True or False: It takes 30 days for many problems to begin to surface in a relationship.
True or False: The way I grew up affects the partner I pick.
True or False: In the first couple months of dating, people build an accurate picture of what their partner is like in order to decide if they want a more serious relationship.
True or False: Having a healthy relationship requires you to first examine yourself
True or False: More marrieds state they are happy with their sex lives than either singles or cohabitators.
1: Love is blind. If you’re talking about the first few months of dating, this one is true. Studies show that as romantic feelings arise in us, the activity in the analytical parts of our brains is suppressed. Even more disturbing, the hormones released by our bodies early in a relationship also cloud our judgements. Am I getting too technical? Try this instead: If your friends and family don’t like the person you’re dating and you just can’t understand why, beware!
2: It takes 30 days for many problems to begin to surface in a relationship. This is false. Research has revealed that it takes about 90 days for people in dating relationships to begin to see unfavorable patterns. So, if you want to know what someone is really like, patiently wait for those patterns to emerge, and remember while you wait that love is blind and your body could be deceiving you!
3: The way I grew up affects the partner I pick. This is true. As much as we’d like to believe we can shove off our past and start fresh, our past follows us like our shadow, popping up during the darker times in our lives. What we learned about love, family, and relationships in our early years has a great effect on who we pick for a partner. We must learn to acknowledge our past, grow from it, and intentionally and deliberately shape our choices, knowing that past influences are there.
4: In the first couple months of dating, people build an accurate picture of what their partner is like in order to decide if they want a more serious relationship. This is false. Though people hope that they are building an accurate picture, research shows that a good portion of what we think we know about someone after three months is actually based on our own ideals and stereotypes. As stated above, the beginning of knowing someone begins at 90 days.
5: Having a healthy relationship requires you to first examine yourself. Ok so I threw in an easy one. This one is true. However, just because you’re able to pick the correct answer on a true-false test doesn’t necessarily mean you are taking the answer to heart. Take some time to discover yourself and your downfalls, including the negative traits you are attracted to and why, to heighten the health of your current or future relationship.
6: More marrieds state they are happy with their sex lives than either singles or cohabitators. This is true. Surprised? With all the bad press marriage gets these days, I’m glad to report the current research findings: not only are marrieds happier with their sex lives, they also feel more emotional support, live longer, have lower rates of physical illness and depression, and report higher levels of romance and overall happiness than either singles or cohabitators. How ‘bout that?
This relationship information is taken from Anchorpoint’s workshop, How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk or Jerkette. If you are interested in hosting this workshop at your church or organization, please call Cassy Wimmer at 412-366-1300 ext. 105. If you are broken-hearted, lonely, depressed, in need of relationship, pre-marital or marriage counseling, a compassionate therapist is available. Please call us at 412-366-1300 to schedule your appointment.